i just applied to three jobs, in three different states. NC, VA, TN.
people say your 20's should be "exhilarating, the time of your life" and when i talk to people way into their 50s and 60s it seems that they just stare at me, either with firm jealousy or bewilderment. their 20s have long past and they are firmly in their routine with their X number of children either grown or not-yet-fully-grown. and then it hits me again: it is SO much greener on that side of the fence! i am a huge creature of habit. give me my post-it notes, calendars, and highlighters to firmly predict and prepare my life's events in each perfectly symmetrical square of the 30/31 days of each month. although i pride myself on being prepared and type-A neurotic, i think living life like this has got to be a bit dull. and thats when God just throws those forks in my plans and yells from above: dog, you aren't in control. and if you were, it would not be as fulfilling. lemme take the wheel for awhile.
i love that as much as i believe with my soul that this verse is true, i gotta remind myself that each phase of my life isn't a calculated matrix of things i did or did not do. life isn't a checklist of my own merit, but where (ultimately) God is leading me. i think Carbon Leaf got it right in their "What About Everything" song when they state:
In search of some rest,
in search of a break
From a life of tests where something's always at stake
as much as i can say that i am single, free, & with no plan. it isn't as fun as it appears on the big screen. life is scary and tiring, and at every turn in this crazy-ass decade you are bombarded with questions that all point to one major question: what do you want? what do YOU want? what DO you want?
what a blessing it is that we can freely answer that and pursue it. i pray that i will not be paralyzed by fear, but take courage and be willing to fall...perhaps several times. let's make a toast to not being perfect! cheers!
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